continual contradiction

Jesus Christ continually contradicts us and the way we experience ourselves as alive and he compels us to radically redefine what we mean by life. He encounters us the way he encounters the disciples on Easter Sunday on the road to Emmaus. They the ones marked out for death, those who have survived him were really the dead. He the dead one was really the living.

Every time I get a new Moleskine or Field Notes Journal I put a quote on the front page that I feel encapsulates the journey my life was currently on when I started. The quotes have varied from poems, to quotes, to bible verses, some I look back with awkwardness towards and others I am still drawn towards. This quote, I have no clue it was actually from, was on the inside of my journal that I started my final year of college (03-04). That year was a year of pretty big transitions in my spiritual life and ended with my first call into ministry. It’s funny to stumble upon the quote when I was cleaning my office up today because the journey from the day I wrote that to here pretty much contains a continual contradiction of myself by Christ. What I once surely believed was life everlasting has become only the shell of something more, and what I once thought clearly was death has become radically renewed. Looking back at the journey I can see all the fun, the pain, the good conversations, and friends that helped me along the way, but I also wonder what might be coming down the pipe. Next month I get installed as minster at the church and I can’t help but think that means I will again be pushed down that path towards life with Christ, that is in Christ, and yet at the same time I find myself wanting to stop. Can’t I have it figured out at some point? I mean do I really want to always be discovering anew what it means to preach Christ and him crucified? Don’t I ever get a break? And yet on the other side of the want for control and false peace stands the journey I took from ’03 to the present that says it is worth it.

What does this mean? I don’t know. But the more important question is how long do you hang on to a Moleskine before you throw it away?


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